Today's "Word Of The Day" - EXACERBATE


ex·ac·er·bat·ed, ex·ac·er·bat·ing.

verb (used with object)

to increase the severity, bitterness, or violence of (disease, ill feeling, etc.); aggravate.
to embitter the feelings of (a person); irritate; exasperate.
Hello from House-sitting  I was having a nice enjoyable QUIET time when I was shown a plurk stream from a few days ago that set me on my heels. Apparently, the act of one using purchased models from online in SL (which we have visited again and again and yes, still sorry I made a idiotic mistake) is called "Tiny Spacing" in some circles. I am deeply offended that for 1, my mistake is being lumping in with people who use these files knowingly when they are not even the same thing. And 2, even after 6 months, people really just feel the need to drag up all this yet again. I had dreaded this exact thing happen and yet, am hurt and shocked that things are being put at my feet yet again.

I really do not know what is with these peoples life that they feel that they need to keep dredging things over and over again to feel better. I made a mistake, I am certain each and every one of us has made a mistake in life. I am an adult, I admitted it... I learned from it, I have put a lot of time and work into learning things so I can still create again. I have removed myself as much as possible from the Kid community as I feel I am not welcome there, I have worked hard to push forward and be a better person for this experience.

I have felt happier, more accepted and genuinely all around better for it, whoever you are you did me a favor in the end. But now it is really time to just put it aside. You want to play IP police, knock yourself out. I build in front of people, I have witnesses as proof of the things I have made. They are by no means extravagant or high end, they are simple but I take pride in them because they are mine and a piece of who I am that I choose to share with the world. I do not want to be the target of this any longer and really implore you to let it go. I really do not know how much more to make things clear, and I want to try. I am trying to be better to everyone, even those who do not make me feel fuzzy inside. I realize that in the end only I have control over the world and people around me. You hurt me and continue to do so but I will not leave and stop the world I enjoy so much because you want to do it, it makes me happy and gives me a purpose.

I sincerely hope this puts to rest this issue with me. For those who like to purchase things on the net, I sincerely hope that you take my story as a example that things will come out, that if it is wrong, it will come out. Learning is hard, its frustrating, i delete way more than I ever finish, I cuss at my computer and scream out of sheer frustration. But when someone tells me they really enjoy something I make, something I didnt think 6 months ago that I could do, I am proud of myself for pulling myself up by the bootstraps. If I can do it, I promise you can. And now I am going to go cuddle my daughter and sleep and try to enjoy the time I have in peace and quiet before life gets busy with school and volleyball and dramatic almost 11 year old girl problems. 


Thank God for Second Chances

  I am a firm believer that everything in this world happens for a reason. No one person we meet is there "just because". They are either there to teach you something, to help you through something or for you to change their life in some way. I have struggled with the why's of life more than I think I probably should but lately, I have found peace in the life I have and the people who have come and gone in it in my 38 and 1/2 years on this earth. 
  When I met Walter, he showed me that not all men in my life were there to hurt me, that not all people love with expectation, they love from their whole heart. I still struggle 5 years later with this but I have been learning to be accepting of his love and know that I am truly blessed to have someone in my life who loves me unconditionally. 
  I have also been learning lately that for every 1 bad experience I have in Second Life, there is many many more that feed my soul and make me grateful I discovered this virtual place. One of the first child avatars I ever met, so very long ago was Mirabelle. She was this tiny adorable blonde child person and the first to friend me where I didn't feel weirded out by the fact that a grown person WANTED to be a child in here and not for some weird reason. She used to come and visit the little piece of land Walter and I called home. It was winter, so we had a frozen pond and it was all set up for Ice Skating. We would spend hours together just chatting and building a really good friendship. And though time and life's moments have let us drift apart from each other, we always seem to find our way back, with a little something new to bring to our friendship. She is someone who has taught me not to take things too too serious and to just enjoy a place where truly ANYTHING is possible.

  After the loss of Naraelina and Carter, I had really second guessed myself not only as a friend but as a parent and had completely shied away from the thought of adding to my tiny family outside my amazing Kendall. But lately I have been missing a little distraction and the companionship that I can not explain right to get the idea out there, so I hope you can just imagine. I work a lot in SL, its pretty much all I do, and I love it dearly. But I miss having someone who is just goofy and cares not about making a living but maybe about painting walls or flooding the bathroom. All the silly things I would never let Sammi do and get away with... I miss having that childlike air in my life. And so, after weeks of really thinking about it and many trips to Heritage that ended in me leaving before I had a panic attack... I bit the bullet and submitted an application. I sat looking at the wall of beautiful little faces and one stood out, I didn't know why. When I clicked her photo there was my Mirabelle... these days going by Everest. It was just meant to be, things happen for a reason and so do people. 
  The best thing about this choice for both of us is there is no real fear the other is going to be put off by something in our personality. After nearly 5 years we know each other's quirks... our good and bad points, and yet we accept this all and know that the other is going to put as much faith in the friendship that has taken years to build. I am proud to be this tiny persons SL Mother. I really am very excited for this new adventure... and hopefully she doesn't burn my house down.


Berry's Intriguing Questions Meme - Brie Kovacs (Brie Pinazzo)

Meme instructions: Copy and paste the following questions and answers into your post. Delete my answers and input your own. Don’t forget to leave a comment in this post!
  1. How do you deal with criticism?I don't normally deal with criticism too well though I am getting better. I take it as a little PTSD from a bad marriage of 9 years. I have a tendency to view it as someone is telling me I am less than a person or wrong or bad... when they are just saying "hey, this is a better way to do that." Like I said though, am getting better, I used to really take it hard, now I am still miffed but get over it pretty fast.
  2. What’s the most infuriating thing other SL residents do? I would have to say it is that the vast majority (not all, but enough that it is just irritating) lie about the most mundane things and use the internet as a vehicle to bully others and make them feel bad. As I have been really honest about, I have had this happen a lot more than I like personally. I just wish we all could remember that we are all adults (well I hope we are anyway) and we should behave as such. If you wouldn't do it to the people around you in the real world, chances are its just as wrong to do it on the internet.
  3. Which SL resident would you most like to have lunch with and why? I would have to say Cory Edo. She seems like hands down one of the nicest people on my plurk. She is ridiculously talented and has not for one moment let it go to her head like we all have seen too too many times. Her ability to be so creative and kind I really would love to have the chance to get to know her better. 
  4. Who would you say is your “anti” role model? Someone who serves as a warning rather than an inspiration? That is an incredibly long list so I think I best not have to go there. I would have to say the people who fit in #2's category would be in there.
  5. What was something you used to enjoy, but was ruined for you? Making kids furniture, I enjoyed the creativity I could have in doing so. I mean what adult wants a dollhouse bed? I like building in general but the hateful things that people did because of it... yeah kinda is more work than love these days.
  6. What’s something you want to do that you’d be embarrassed to tell other people about? Well I already do it, and still not going to tell you all about it!
  7. What’s the oddest term of endearment you’ve ever used or that someone’s used for you? One of my friends from High School calls me Cheddar (as Brie is my real name and it is a cheese) and I call her Pygmy because, well... she's short
  8. Have you ever fallen in love with another SL resident? Sure have, he is sleeping behind me right now :)
  9. Describe a time/event in your slife that you’re nostalgic for. I miss working for ICON magazine, I loved the opportunity to go all around SL and see new places and photograph them, I just dont seem to have the time... or maybe excuse to do that anymore.
  10. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you? Id like to make some more friends INSIDE Second Life and socialize more.

Today's "Word Of The Day" - INDEPENDENCE


in·de·pend·ence -[in-di-pen-duhns] 


1.Also, independency. the state or quality of being independent.
2.freedom from the control, influence, support, aid, or the like, of others.
Happy 4th American readers (even though it is technically the 5th now)!
  I have had a lot on my mind lately so I apologize for neglecting you all.  As some of you know and I have talked briefly about in past blog entries, I grew up not the most loved person in the world. I actually was taken from my parents when I was just about Sammi's age and made a ward of the state of California. They felt neither of my parents were fit to care for me either due to drugs and alcohol (which was my Mother) or outright neglect and indifference (which was my Father). I spent close to a year hopping from one foster home to another until just after my 11th birthday, I ended up in a group home facility. Now most of you are thinking, gee that had to have been horrible... but it wasn't. I mean sure, there are some downright shitty foster parents out there and I had my fair share of them. But I also had some really amazing people who truly cared about me, who loved and cared about me and wanting my life to be okay. Most of those people I met when I spent close to 4 years in this amazing group home in Northern California, I am fortunate to say they saved me and really helped shape the core of who I am to this day.
  The group home at the time was run by a retired Priest, the facility itself was formerly a nunnery, that is a place Nuns lived. It was large and beautiful, they took in kids from 6-18 and had their own school, church, pool, park... it was really a unique place. Father Steve was the Priest who was the director and he truly loved each and every one of us. There were close to 200 children at any given time and he knew each and every one of our names, it was really amazing now that I look back on it. His goal was to give us a safe place to be, where we could come to terms with the abuse and life we had been dealt and to give us good life skills to take with us into adulthood. We had everything we needed right there to make sure we had the highest chance at success and though it didnt fix some of the demons most of us carry to this day, it certainly empowered us to be the best people we could be.
 I was saddened recently when I found a group of people who too had spent their time at this amazing place. Some had been there before I was even born and some I remember fondly from my time there. We are the truest form of family because we share a life that wasnt fair by any means, we endured things most people can not even imagine but it bonded us, gave us something to go on for. I found out a few years ago they closed this place down and the buildings are now on the market to be purchased for god knows what. Apparently Father Steve truly retired and another gentleman took over the Director seat at the facility. he did not share the same love and desire to help children as his predecessor had, he fired most of the amazing staff that had been there nearly 20 years and hired less qualified, more affordable staff who like him, had no business caring for abused and neglected children and teenagers. Kids started running away, going "OC" (off campus) as we called it, and some broke into and vandalized homes in the surrounding neighborhoods. The residents of the town started to complain and so the home had to be closed and as you can see, sold.
   I know it seems funny to you that someone could be so attached to some place that really for all intent and purpose was similar to a prison. But to those of us who were there at that time, it was our home, we were safe there, the people who had hurt us so bad for so long could not touch us there. We were listened to and our stories heard, those people held me when I cried, defended me when I was wronged, they were my family, more than everyone but my grandmother ever was to me. I became a woman in that place, a feat that was frightening, they sat me down and took on the role of a parent, explaining all the facts of life and doing what they could to make it all seem like it was going to be ok. I wish there was more places like this in the world, and it is truly a loss to the world that this one is gone forever. 
   Anyway, I just wanted to share a bit of this with you all because it has been weighing on me a lot lately and well, that is why I have this blog, to share whether it is read or not :)
I hope you American's had a safe and wonderful holiday and to everyone, I hope you have an amazing weekend.