The Last Day of the Last Month of This Year.

Happy almost new years everyone!
  Well, new year for some but in my neck of the woods, still have a few hours left of 2013. This year has definitely had its ups and downs. It started so full of promise I had family, my business was doing well, I let my guard down for the first time in a long time. By February that was all but a memory, things surely did change after that... I think for the better.
  I buckled down and have been learning to make meshes and though it is a slow and frustrating process it is one I am really proud of. I opened a new store and my product is simple but I am really happy with it, and happy when someone enjoys it. My family dynamic has changed, a few people have come and gone over the past 12 months but I am just as happy with who I surround myself now as I was this time a year ago.
  My Nara left my heart and found her way back, my Kendall is still my always child and I have Laila and Dominic who make me laugh every time we are together. Finally my little mouse is now my baby mouse, life is really funny how it all plays out. When you think your heart is in a million pieces and it will never heal time takes hold and things are as they should be.
  I got to go to Kansas and spend a few weeks with my Twinnie, Maddy and that time I will cherish my whole life. People ask if it was weird meeting for the first time in the real world and you know what? It wasnt. It was amazing and we were 2 peas in a pod just like we are in Second Life. I miss her terribly every day and hope sometime this year we get the opportunity to spend time together again. Praying the summer gives me a month in Kansas with her (and a month less of Arizona heat). She is hands down the greatest friend I have ever had I never feel judged or ashamed with her, it is pretty amazing.
  And for every friendship that ended I have made a friend or 2 to replace that hole in my heart. Plurk has been kind in giving me some amazing new people who inspire me every day and make me want to be a better person. Ive learned tons from them all, they should be told how much I appreciate their friendship and their impact on my life.
  So anyway, I am ready for the new year, I hope it is kind to me and I hope that it brings me the progress in myself and my life that I have been aching for . I hope it is kind to you too, and that you have much happiness and good health.

XOXO,
Brie

The Illusion of Strength

  I am tired. I'm tired of trying to look happy and make everyone think everything is OK. I am tired of hoping my life's circumstances change and things to get better. I am just... tired. Everyone around me it feels is so sad and dejected with life, it is starting to take its toll. I try and try to help and be a good friend but in the end my efforts have done nothing, It physically hurts me to watch people I love struggle. I truly do not know what to do anymore, I feel so alone.
  This time of year is hard for me, I have no family outside of Sammi and Ken, I have family but they are all so wrapped up in themselves we do not speak anymore. I have 2 older children who have chosen not to have me a part of their life anymore. I am so overwhelmingly lonely, I miss having people. I log on SL and just sit here I have little desire to be in there anymore all the people who were once a part of that do not really participate much in there anymore either and that is good, they are living. I just feel so empty inside. Before you think "well, she has Sammi and she has Ken" I am super grateful for them and if I didn't have them, I am sure Id be at my brink. I am grateful for the people I do have in my life.... I just feel very lost and I crave a sense of family and community I no longer have.
  Im going to be honest, I think about dying every day. I think how everyones life would sincerely be better off if I wasnt a part of it. Everytime I win over the thoughts, it seems like there is someone there reminding me how worthless I truly am and how much better the world would be without me in it. Sammi is truly the only reason I am here today. I couldnt leave her alone in foster care if there was no one to care for her so I stay. My fear is one day this all will win and I will give in to it.
  Contrary to possibly your belief, this isnt for attention. I truly need someone to help me find reasons to stick around here. I lay in bed every single night and physically convince myself this is not the answer, every weekend I barely sleep over the insane fear of some unknown person on the internet anonymously feeding my already existing fears about the person I love and want to spend my life with. People call me strong, I really am not very strong. Right now I am held together with duct tape, just trying to make it through today. I think if I busy myself with those around me's issues I can forget for a while I have all this bottled up inside me. I just want to be happy, really happy for one day.
  Anyway Im going to stop now because I have no idea what this is going to do for me anyway. I just needed to get this out, if it makes you all think less of me as a person, that is ok. I am just so very very tired of this weight it feels like I carry it everywhere with me.

I am sorry for everything.

10 Life Lessons: Lesson 5: Failures are only lessons.

  Today I thought this was a good lesson to touch on. So many times we make mistakes in life, and we either don't let ourselves get past it or other people tend to hold it over our heads forever. Know this, no one in this world is perfect. Not the Dali Lama or the Pope is perfect, we are human, we do things, we make mistakes. It is truly what we choose to learn from them that helps us grow and defines us as a person.
  In fact it was the Dali Lama who said "When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it." It is expected we as people are going to fall, are going to fail, are going to do something we can not take back. But it is also expected that when we do, it is our job and duty to the people around us to recognize our failures, admit them and do our best to improve on them and become a better member of our society.
  I had it pointed out today that though I have made amends for my mistakes earlier this year, some people still view me as a thief and liar. I can not undo that, I know that I am neither, that I made a mistake and I owned up to it. But my mistake, big or small in the eyes of others does not excuse the actions of other people, it does not give a license to behave less than stellar, I am only responsible for myself and my actions, as each of us is. I can not express how deeply I regret my choices and have worked very hard to learn from them and do my best to overcome whatever stigma remains from said choices.
  At the end of the day just remember, you are not perfect and that is OK. You have people who love and appreciate you, flaws and all. Treat others kindly you never know what struggles they are enduring outside this box of ours. And with that, I wish you all a good night.

XOXO,
Brie

“When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.” - See more at: http://quotesnsmiles.com/quotes/50-dalai-lama-quotes/#sthash.kGksVE76.dpuf

“When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.” - See more at: http://quotesnsmiles.com/quotes/50-dalai-lama-quotes/#sthash.0vJnGbwF.dpuf

“When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.” - See more at: http://quotesnsmiles.com/quotes/50-dalai-lama-quotes/#sthash.0vJnGbwF.dpuf

“When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.” - See more at: http://quotesnsmiles.com/quotes/50-dalai-lama-quotes/#sthash.0vJnGbwF.dpuf

10 Life Lessons: Lesson 4 - When you procrastinate, you become a slave to yesterday.

Hey all, been dealing with that real world thing and moving my SL family to a new homestead so I got distracted. But I am back to continue on with my life lessons everyone should know.

Lesson number 4 is when you procrastinate, you become a slave to yesterday. It is really true when people say "why put off today what you can do tomorrow". I mean it is STILL going to be there tomorrow, waiting... waiting... and still waiting. Why not take care of it now, you never know what may happen between now and then and sometimes, it is something if missed you can never get back.

We all as human beings procrastinate with something, but I am talking about things besides cleaning the house or finishing that English essay... I mean really important things, mending a broken relationship, saying you love someone... making that leap into something new.

I had many opportunities to go back up to San Francisco and see her before she died. I always thought I would have more time, that there was no way she was going anywhere yet (even though she was seriously ill)... I put it off not because I didn't want to see her, I think it was because I didn't want to see her LIKE THAT, frail and sick. I talked to her for the last time this last year on my birthday and 2 days later she was gone.

 Now, I don't have many regrets in my life but this for sure makes the short list. I know she wouldn't have wanted me there at the end because to me she was always a strong beautiful woman and she wanted Sammi and I to always remember her that way. But putting it off cost me a chance to spend a little more time with her there, to hold her hand and hug her and tell her we loved her. I know it was supposed to be this way but I often wonder if things would have been different if I had just not procrastinated.

Anyway I share this as always to help you all find your way whatever that is. I hope you take life by the bootstraps, live each day to the absolute fullest and make sure to tell those closest to you how very important they are to you.

Have a great night,
XOXO,
Brie

Picture taken at the Nuville SIM

Favorite Songs: True Love by Pink

Sometimes I hate every single stupid word you say
Sometimes I wanna slap you in your whole face
There's no one quite like you
You push all my buttons down
I know life would suck without you

At the same time, I wanna hug you
I wanna wrap my hands around your neck
You're an asshole but I love you
And you make me so mad I ask myself
Why I'm still here, or where could I go
You're the only love I've ever known
But I hate you
I really hate you, so much
I think it must be

True love true love
It must be true love
Nothing else can break my heart like true love
True love, it must be true love
No one else can break my heart like you

Just once try to wrap your little brain around my feelings
Just once please try no to be so mean
Repeat after me now R-O-M-A-N-C-E-E-E
Come on I'll say it slowly
Romance
You can do it babe

At the same time, I wanna hug you
I wanna wrap my hands around your neck
You're an asshole but I love you
And you make me so mad I ask myself
Why I'm still here, or where could I go
You're the only love I've ever known
But I hate you
I really hate you, so much
I think it must be

True love true love
It must be true love
Nothing else can break my heart like true love
True love, it must be true love
No one else can break my heart like you

Why do you rub me up the wrong way
Why do you say the things that you say
Sometimes I wonder how we ever came to be
But without you I'm incomplete

I think it must true love true love
It must be true love
Nothing else can break my heart like true love
True love, it must be true love
No one else can break my heart like you, like you
No one else can break my heart like you

10 Life Lessons - Lesson 3: The sacrifices you make today will pay dividends in the future

Well so begins a new week, I can not believe Christmas will be here in less than 2 months, where on earth does the time go? This year has flown by for sure, it just feels so odd to already be almost a year over....

OK so I will make today's lesson short and sweet. Basically, invest in yourself today, it will pay off in the future 10 fold. Want that degree? Go get it. Want to learn to paint, Spanish, Swahili? My point is this, if you do not invest in yourself, who will? And do you really want to be a grandparent someday and play the "I Wish" game? I certainly don't. So do something for yourself, invest in the person you WANT to be 10 years from now, you will thank me for it... promise.

So today's comments should be filled with peoples wants and hopes for their future. Make a goal today, no matter how big or small and share it with me. I am positive you can achieve anything you set your mind to.

Have a good Monday!
XOXO,
Brie

10 Life Lessons - Lesson 2: A Lifetime Isnt Very Long.

Happy happy Sunday everyone!

Today I shall remind us all of our mortality. Not that I mean to bring you down, I just want to remind you all that life is fleeting, if you put off things well... someday it may be just too late. If you believe in something, fight for it... we only have this one chance at life, make the most of it.

Don't wait till times of hardship to tell those who mean the most to you, that they do. Everyone needs to feel they are loved and appreciated sometimes, yes... even me. So I don't care how you do it but my challenge for you today is to tell at least 1 person (but more would be extra amazing) how much they mean to you. Whether it is a blog, a facebook status, a plurk... smoke signal.... just do it. You never know what your simple words may do for someone.

Just live every day to the fullest kids, and like it is your last. It will make you appreciate each new day and those who drift in and out of it.

Have an amazing Sunday!
XOXO,
Brie