Everyone Has A Secret

  Everyone has a secret. I dont care who you are, how well you live your life, who you surround yourself with. Everyone has something they keep hidden from those closest to them because they either fear being rejected because of it or the unknown consequences are just too much to bear, but there is something at some point we have kept for just ourselves.

  None of us is innocent either, we have had moments where a friend becomes an enemy or when we have offended or hurt another person... intentional or not. Not a one of us is without fault, it is part of being human and something even though we may not like about ourselves it is something that is definitely a part of who we are.

  But it is when we try to be the moral superior and make those who have made mistakes or have hidden these parts of themselves feel less than a person that turns your jab at them into something truly mean. Places like SL Secrets and anonymous forms of posting really shine a light to the issues we all have on the internet. They are giving a platform not for people to expose something about themselves, but to try to make someone else feel bad. I am pretty certain when the persons at Shoppingcartdisco.com made their SL Secrets posts that they were modeling it after the unique Postsecrets.com in that it gives us somewhere to admit something about ourselves, anonymously. It is healthy to be able to get something out that you have carried around for however long. It is a proven fact that holding these things inside you can do damage and make you sick. Giving someone a way to let it out is a beneficial thing.

  But somewhere along the way people of SL decided it would be a great place to "out" others and "name and shame". Take this week and so many weeks before where a Nacho picture has been posted with many many jabs at that person. Like, we get it... he has hurt you. He has moved on and is OK why do you feel it is so necessary to harbor such hate toward someone who very apparently could care less about you. Just LET IT GO for the love of god and be happy. Also, one this week was actually posted about someone I happen to know which jabs that maybe she is not who she appears to be. Do you care if she is a male or female in her real life? Like, does it change anything? No. It really doesn't. She deserves to be happy in any way she can see fit. If its a man living as a woman in SL who the hell made you the morality police, the person who says she can or can not play SL as she wants. Thats like throwing a hissy cause you play a furry or a tiny, OR A CHILD. It is their SL, let them live it as they see fit.

  I never really understood the need for such things and like I say over and over again, if you dislike someone then don't deal with them. There is millions of other people to interact with why do you need to follow those around who you do not like and who do not like you just to make their life miserable. Both of those people I just mentioned I don't have any love for to be honest, I have not had the most amazing interactions with them but you do not see me spewing hate about them. We tried friendship, it didn't stick, I moved on and so have they (or least I hope so). I think they deserve to be as happy as the next guy and it is not my place to damage that. I believe in Karma both good and bad and putting a positive feeling out in the world works for me. I ask the people who feel they need to put this hate out there, how is it working for your life and your overall happiness?

  Sure you get a giggle for a minute but then you are left with the knowledge that it is the internet, it is there FOREVER and it can not ever be taken back. Your moment of childish hate is now there for all time. You truly can not take those words back and maybe right now you wont want to, but I am sure someday when you are on the other end of that line, you will wish someone had just let it go. I have made the one single secret and it was about myself and how the people who posted the ones about me made me feel like I shouldn't be around to be made the center of bullying. I have no desire to post them about those I don't like, I just treat them as if they do not exist to me. If I see them I either say nothing or am polite. We are all adults here, at least I am and I have more class than to stoop to these levels. I hope that people take this to heart and maybe next time they open photoshop to make some stupid clipart say something horrible, they will think that may be the final straw for someone. And think of how bad you would feel to know your idiotic "secret" ended someones life possibly.

  Just remember, you think we all care about how angry you are at someone. But we don't. We have more important things to worry about, grown up things. Like paying bills, raising kids, living life. Your stupid nacho pictures and pictures of Dixie plates really don't do a damn thing for our lives. So please, just let it all go and go do something that really makes you happy, cause this isn't it.

XOXO,
Brie

Today's "Word Of The Day": ACCOUNTABLE

ACCOUNTABLE

ac·count·a·ble [uh-koun-tuh-buhl] 

adjective

1. subject to the obligation to report, explain, or justify something; responsible; answerable.

2. capable of being explained; explicable; explainable.

 So gosh its been a while, I am super sorry a lot of real life things going on around here. We were all super sick with some weird intestinal virus, ended up putting my other half in the er a few times. Be careful out there kids, this one is a doozy. I am also getting my child ready to end her school year which is bittersweet. She will now be a middle schooler, almost a teenager, they grow so so fast. And finally, I am getting ready for a 2 week vacation with my daughter in beautiful Kansas with my best friend which I can not be more excited about. She is one of the true positives Second Life has brought me, in the nearly 3 years we have been friends we have been inseparable and it is like she has always been a fixture in my life. Getting this unique opportunity to spend a few weeks with her in the real world is something I am truly grateful for.... we leave june 4th and then 2 weeks on a Army Base with all that eye candy and my bestie, how can it be anything but amazing?

So the word on my mind is accountable or accountability as of late.  Something I see a lot with the behavior of people on the internet is the lack of accountability for their actions. Because no one is held to that standard, or most people or even some people for that matter (if you want to do semantics with me) is that it gives people license to be abusive to the people around them. Because they realize in most cases there is no real consequence for their actions it is ok to just do whatever they feel like. Problem is in their wake they leave so many people hurt or worse it really is so senseless. I mean it is the internet if you dont like someone just mute them or be a grown up and just dont deal with them. It isnt rocket science people, it is just plain old common sense.

 The worst part is not only do they know they can just run amuck and do as they feel to the people in their wake but to some people the rest of us inadvertently encourage such behavior and even feed into it. Platforms like SL Secrets and the anonymity of the anon plurks make it easy to target one person or many, with no fear of any repercussions for their actions. We not only make it a point to read them weekly but we then have to talk about them and give those people their 15 min of fame for what? Being a coward? Being hateful? I don't get it. It is all funny until lo and behold you piss off some random person and there you are, this week's nacho secret... is it really worth it?

Now I really have no idea how to hold people accountable on the internet. But I do know feeding the beast is not going to help matters so I for one can not keep doing so. I want my bubble happy for the most part, I mean nothing is perfect right? But I would like to know that myself and the people around me are not causing some of the discord in life. As usual I am probably making no sense but Im gonna stick with this for now. Just remember in the game of russian roulette eventually someone gets the bullet.... drama is no different. You play with it long enough chances are eventually you will be the focus of it. 

Have a amazing Sunday.

XOXO
Brie  

Today's "Word Of The Day" - VERTIGO

VERTIGO

ver·ti·go - [vur-ti-goh] 

noun, plural ver·ti·goes, ver·tig·i·nes [ver-tij-uh-neez] 

1.a dizzying sensation of tilting within stable surroundings or of being in tilting or spinning surroundings.

 

 I hope you all had an amazing weekend. Mine was rather quiet and spent at home. I haven't been feeling so well so I have been trying to just take things easy. Which basically means, I lay in bed and do my impression of a potato. Not terribly productive but sometimes, very necessary.

  For those who don't know me so well, I was diagnosed with Meniere's Disease in 2008.  It is an auto-immune disease that effects the inner bony labyrinth of the ear. That is the snail shaped innermost part of your ear that contains fluids that control balance for the human body. It came on suddenly, with no real rhyme or reason and has been a constant in my life ever since. It has symptoms from vertigo to tinnitus (ringing in the ears) and hearing loss. It effects people usually over 40 and in one ear, I am a rare occurrence as I was 33 and I have it in both ears not just one. It has left me unable to work and about 53% hearing impaired, soon I will need to get hearing aids and eventually I will be mostly if not completely deaf.

  Before I got sick I moved here from San Francisco, I had a good job as a bookkeeper for a private charter school  I was really content in my life. When I became sick I had to seek out doctors who took me serious because of my age and the "normal" circumstances of Meniere's patients... it took me over a year to get a actual diagnosis. The craziest part was my own doctor did not diagnose me, the Ear, Nose and Throat doctor that the Social Security Disability people had check me over found this is what happened to me.It has been a true test of patience and knowing trusting that someone would finally take me serious and treat me appropriately. 

  I was really angry for a long time because I truly felt it was unfair to be sick like this. But I have come to the point now I see it as a blessing. It is the universe's way of telling me to slow down, focus on what is important and cherish it. Someday it will no longer be there so embrace it today with all you have. If I hadn't been sick, I would not have the time, real quality time, with my daughter.  I would be working all the time and by the time I got home, just too exhausted to do anything. Volunteering at her school? Never happen. I would not be able to take time from my financial duties to go on field trips and help out with her classroom activities. I wouldn't still be on Second Life, I would have abandoned that long ago. And though it isn't all awesome in there, I create art in the pictures I take and contribute something in the items I create. So, there is a reason for everything... even if I would rather not be so dizzy I fall down, take medication that makes me sleep all day and have to ask people to repeat themselves 128347392 times in a conversation. 

  So you are wondering what the hell is my point? It is this, everything happens for a reason and we all have a choice when given the circumstances of our life. I choose to take it and try to be positive. I could really be miserable and treat everyone horrible and end up alone. But I am choosing to make the most of the time I have because I want to go to my grave with amazing memories. When I meet my son in heaven someday I want to be able to tell him all of the amazing parts of my life, I live for him because he could not.

 

XOXO,

Brie 

Today's "Word Of The Day" - RISK

RISK

risk - [risk]

verb (used with object)

1.to expose to the chance of injury or loss; hazard: to risk one's life.

2.to venture upon; take or run the chance of: to risk a fall in climbing; to risk a war.

 

 Half the week is over, I think that is plenty of reason to celebrate, don't you?

 

  Today's topic is risk. It has many meanings but my reasoning for bringing it up is our ability (or sometimes inability) to throw caution to the wind and just go for something. I mean you have to put it in these terms, we are on the INTERNET... something that would not exist without the risk some amazingly intelligent people took in developing and fostering this. Because of them risking possible failure we now have the chance to meet and talk to people no matter where they are, and you are here reading this nonsense of a blog.

  My point is this, we hold ourselves back from what could be amazing things in life because sometimes, we fear risking rejection, failure... whatever. If I had never risked joining Second Life I would not have met the love of my life, my child would not have an amazing father, I wouldn't be happy. I mean sure, something else may have come along, but then again maybe not. I think my risk paid off in spades though life hasn't been so easy and we dont get along every day but I have the experience of loving someone and being loved like I have never been loved in my entire life.

  What I am trying to say is sometimes kids, you just have to kick off your shoes and fling yourself into the abyss and hope when you land it is on a pile of pillows and not a pile of rocks. It may not always be the ending you want but hell, you need to live life. We only get one as far as I know and so you should meet the end with some experiences under your belt. Playing it safe is all fine and good but it is really true without risk there truly is no reward. I took a chance on the community in second life and I am so far happy with this choice, I think it was best for me and my overall well-being and happiness.  

  What have you always wanted to do or try but never did? Is there someone you hold feelings for but say nothing for fear they will reject you? Carrying that want around is not healthy, it weighs your heart down and can depress your spirit. I truly believe that sometimes the greatest things come from taking a chance and just going for it. If it is not the ending you want well, that just means what is meant for you is still out there and this gives you the opportunity to go and find your bliss. Why waste life pining for something or someone when you could take the risk and inevitably end right where you are supposed to be?

  Maybe I am tired, or just old and senile, not sure but these are things I have been thinking about lately and so I wanted to share. Maybe it makes you think, maybe it inspires you to try something new or do something you have been afraid to... it is your life, you have control over it, so go make it the best it can be.

 

XOXO,

Brie 

Today's "Word Of The Day": GENEROSITY

GENEROSITY

gen·er·os·i·ty - [jen-uh-ros-i-tee] 

noun, plural gen·er·os·i·ties.

1.readiness or liberality in giving.

2.freedom from meanness or smallness of mind or character.

3.a generous act: We thanked him for his many generosities.

4.largeness or fullness; amplitude.

  Well this week started off to a rocky start. My thoughts and prayers go out to the victims in Boston and Iraq with the bombings this past Monday. It really makes one stop and think about what is really important in life. The little things we spend so much energy on, the drama's and fights we pursue... are they really that important? I have kept my Plurk and SL kind of in a bubble so I don't see all the unpleasantness but I notice others really are being bogged down by it. Life is really just too short to spend one moment dealing with someone who is only trying to spread misery to those around you. If we all just stopped for a moment and did one thing to spread a little joy and happiness... could you imagine how much more enjoyable life could be?
  I challenge you all who read this to do 1 selfless act for a complete stranger this week. Whether it is buying coffee for the person behind you at starbucks or helping someone load their groceries in their car, do SOMETHING that gives you joy inside your heart and puts a smile on another persons face. You can post about it in the comments, on plurk, or not at all. All I ask is you try to promote generosity and good will toward the people you come in contact every day. All you should ask that they do in return is to pay it forward and do a kind deed for another person. You can do this in the real world or in Second Life. I just think the world in general is bogged down with so much negativity that we are losing sight of the good that still exists in this world. No one is going to change it for you, so it is up to all of us to go out there and try to do our part.
  I hope you have a better week world. Please don't let the actions of a few sick, misled persons dull the light you carry inside you. Know that for every evil deed being done, 10 amazing miracles are happening elsewhere on this giant rock we call home. And know this one lady in Phoenix, sitting in the dark typing to you all, has faith that there is still good to be found.

XOXO,
Brie

Today's "Word Of The Day": RESILIENCE

RESILIENCE

re·sil·ience - [ri-zil-yuhns, -zil-ee-uhns] 

noun

1.the power or ability to return to the original form, position, etc., after being bent, compressed, or stretched; elasticity.

2.ability to recover readily from illness, depression, adversity, or the like; buoyancy.

 

 Happy Caturday all!

  I have had quite an interesting week. Most of it has been taking care of Ken and Sammi, who both decided it would be fun to get sick, lets hope they didn't share. But the week ended on one of the highest notes ever in my Second Life history. I woke up today with a smile, confident that things are going to get better, and all the low points over the last few months have been worth it. It has made me a better person and shown me some amazing friends that I knew I had but really didnt know how valued they were to me.

  Without my friends and family I would not have started building again, I wouldnt have had the courage to learn mesh and to continue learning to become a better content creator. Id like to think my love and happiness is showing through in the items I have put out to sell under a new name and new style of furniture for me. I am taking my love of reusing things in new and creative ways into Second Life and offering individual pieces that I hope will add character to homes on the grid. 

  These things are like me, once looked upon as useless and with no value but with some creativity and a different outlook can be made new and functional and yes, needed. I named my new store [Noble] because Noble has such a strong meaning, that of not only being distinguished and royal (which I am certainly not) but being of good moral character (which I try hard to be). It is also my family name, that of my Parents, Noah and Blossom Noble. These two people have given me so much strength and love since the moment I met them. I really dont know what would have happened if I did not have them, my siblings, my children and grandchildren loving and supporting me. 

 

  Everyone should have a good, stable support system in their life and before I came to Second Life, I did not have that kind of support system. I have parents, family... but I do not talk with them. They chose themselves and superficial things and not the core meaning that is family. I never felt welcome or a part of a family unit until recently. My family in real life (Besides my Grandma, Sammi and Ken of course) put a price on their love, I had to be what they wanted in order to be worthy of their love. It always made me feel like a failure as a person, that I was never enough for them so how could I be enough for anyone else in my life. These amazing people have shown me that love is something you give freely, it wraps you like a blanket and helps keep you safe and offer a buffer to the hate and ugliness that can exist in the real world. 

 I really can not ever tell my amazing Noble family how much I have appreciated being a part of your family and part of your lives. You have given me a truly precious gift, one I cherish above anything else. Without you all, I dont think I would feel 1/4 as happy as I do. I only hope to repay you all someday for your kindness, not sure how I will but I will certainly try. I love you all more than I could express on this blog. You are amazing people and I feel truly blessed to know each and every one of you.

 

XOXO,

Brie

 If you would like to visit [Noble], here is a link.

Today's "Word Of The Day": OPTIMISTIC

OPTIMISTIC

op·ti·mis·tic - [op-tuh-mis-tik]

adjective

1.disposed to take a favorable view of events or conditions and to expect the most favorable outcome.

2.reflecting a favorable view of events and conditions and the expectation of a positive outcome; demonstrating optimism: an optimistic plan.

 

 Hello Stranger!

  Sorry I havent written in a bit, I have been BUILDING! It feels great to be making things again and learning something new. My daughter, Carter (In her attempt to nudge me back to work I think)  got this amazing little in-world gadget for me called a mesh studio. It works similar to a prim oven... you build what you want out of prims, add their script and voila! you are handed a mesh file outside of sl to import into blender or whatever you choose to work with. Its been great fun learning and I have found I can make a lot of things this way. It has done a lot for my overall mood and general happiness level. 

   I never thought of myself much of an optimist, I am by nature a realist... meaning I see things in the absolute logical way which isnt always healthy, dreaming is a good thing too. I am really trying to break out of that train of thought and trying to see things in a more positive light. I must admit for all the good I feel creating the little things I have, I am overwhelmingly paranoid that something is going to happen again and for me to stay on my guard. But, I am a creative person and trying to hold back that part of myself is like asking a bird not to fly... just not going to happen.

   So anyway I hope you all have an amazing week, I am going to do my best to do so. 

 

XOXO,

Brie 

Today's "Word Of The Day" : BLESSING

BLESSING

bless·ing - [bles-ing]

noun

1.the act or words of a person who blesses.

2.a special favor, mercy, or benefit: the blessings of liberty.

3.a favor or gift bestowed by God, thereby bringing happiness.

4.the invoking of God's favor upon a person: The son was denied his father's blessing.

 

 Hope everyone's week has started off on a good foot. I am recovering from my Easter holiday and making adorable bunny face pot pies for my family. They were not only adorable and tasty, but made my daughter smile which kind of takes the ache of not having family at the holidays go away a little. I hope all who celebrated Easter and Passover this past weekend enjoyed and cherished this time with their family, remember nothing is forever so cherish the small things like holidays because they may not always be as they are now. 

  I also spent part of my day with my Second Life Family. Though my parents celebrate Passover they made an Easter celebration that really brought back memories of my childhood, before my life got so complicated, where the most important part was how much candy was in my basket. I truly felt so blessed and humbled to have such exceptional people in my life. Even though the past few months have had many, many, low points; standing with people who loved me with no agenda of their own... I felt really lucky. Life has a way of righting itself even when you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.  

  I really can never express to them how much I love and cherish having them in my life. They truly have saved me, even if they do not realize it. If it wasn't for them, Sammi and Ken I would have succumbed to my depression long ago and I don't think I would be here writing this to you right now. I know finding genuine and good people are rare, even more rare in Second Life... it is part why I really honor the friendship and family you have bestowed on me. I only hope someday to be able to convey to you how much you all mean to me.

 

XOXO,

Brie 

Today's "Word Of The Day": DEFEATED

DEFEATED

de·feat - [dih-feet] 

verb (used with object)

1.to overcome in a contest, election, battle, etc.; prevail over; vanquish: They defeated the enemy. She defeated her brother at tennis.

2.to frustrate; thwart.

3.to eliminate or deprive of something expected: The early returns defeated his hopes of election.

4.Law. to annul.

noun

5.the act of overcoming in a contest: an overwhelming defeat of all opposition.

6.an instance of defeat; setback: He considered his defeat a personal affront.

7.an overthrow or overturning; vanquishment: the defeat of a government.

8.a bringing to naught; frustration: the defeat of all his hopes and dreams.

9.the act or event of being bested; losing: Defeat is not something she abides easily.

10.Archaic. undoing; destruction; ruin.

 

 Well, half the week is over, I really wish it would just hurry the hell up already and be over. I am having a rotten day, I feel like I am literally under the boot of life, beaten and battered and unable to get up. Its amazing how you think things are going to be ok and then WHAM! the chair is kicked from under you and you are looking like an idiot with egg on her face. 

  I have had many people tell me not to let this stuff get me down, to reopen my store and to just go on and not care what other people think. It is really hard to get through to them, maybe writing this I can just say what I need to and be done with it all. The single most hurtful and really the thing I struggle most with the entire situation is that the person is someone I know, most likely trusted and maybe even considered a friend. It is what I toss around in my head over and over that someone who I trusted decided that everything I worked hard for over 2 and a half years had to go because I made a mistake. It is really simple to say they are jealous, call them haters and tell me to get over. Thing is I CANT. I care, its who I am, I am the kind of person who doesnt hide behind anonymous crap so the fact that I dont know who has such a axe to grind with me, it eats at me and I am sure this is exactly what they wanted, so bravo.

  My friend Gaby was trying to show me how much support I still have out there and posted a survey online asking people if they bought stuff from em in the past, if they would in the future and the like and again my old friend anonymous had to put their own 2 cents in there on that too. I really didn't understand how much you truly dislike me until she shared with me your words.  Calling me a joke and making sure to elaborate on how I am the laughing stock of the community really opened my eyes to things I think I have been trying to avoid. I am sorry you feel the need to kick a person when they are down, I may suggest you take a bit and look inside yourself to see what is going on that you feel you have the right to be like this to other people. 

  So to Gaby, to my parents, my twin, my kids, I wont be opening any store for kids anytime ever. I enjoy building this absolutely wounds me that I need to do this but besides crafting a gift for my grandkids or friends kids, I don't see this as a viable avenue in my future. I feel as though all the work and time I put into things I created isn't worth a thing anymore because of one stupid choice I made (which I have very openly apologized for so yeah anonymous I owned up to it because I am an adult and we adults do that sort of thing).  My heart is breaking as I write this because I truly loved contributing something to Second Life, I was proud that someday when I felt I didn't need to play anymore, a part of me would remain there. But now I feel like I am leaving a legacy to be ashamed of, I truly feel defeated when I just am trying to get through life. 

  So yeah, you there who has that shit eating grin on your face, no worries I wont be making anything overpriced and low quality for you to worry yourself over in the future, you win. If making a huge mistake over a year ago makes me a loser then a loser I must be. Id love to tell you to kiss my ass and get on with things, but really, you are a ghost... and I have more class than that.

 

XOXO,

Brie 

Today's "Word Of The Day": EMPATHY

em·pa·thy - [em-puh-thee] 

noun

1. the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.

 

 

Another week, well Sunday is Easter, I suppose I should search my recipes for something to cook the boyface and starfish... Only bad thing about having a tiny family is that all my holiday recipes feed a lot more than the 3 of us. I usually feed my neighbor but he is battling Kidney and Bladder Cancer, so he can't eat most things anymore. 

  Anyway, thoughts for today circle around Empathy and Compassion and how I notice those too are things that really need to be interjected more into our daily lives, whether in the computer or the real world, how we treat others is truly a reflection of who we are and how we are feeling. I was raised in a unique way, in unique places and not really by my parents. My life could have turned out a much different way than it is with me a sincerely worse person. Growing up in the California Foster Care System, I saw and was exposed to some things, I would not wish on anyone else. I watched a girl I shared a room with get raped by another boy in our institution when I was 14 and had to testify against him in court after I reported him to the people running the group home I lived in at the time. I have seen people who I lived with and experienced that part of our life with go down many different roads of live, some criminal and some in the service of others. I have chosen to share bits of who I am to try to give comfort and direction to others who are conflicted or struggling in key moments of their life.

  All the good things I know though, I know from my Grandma, my Nano... she was a really insightful person who had the basic mantra of "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". Meaning, treat people as you want to be treated... or as I tell my daughter, the best way to have good friends and people in your life is to be good to them. Simple principle isnt it? But something people forget, we take one another for granted to a point, we believe whether we are kind or not, things will work out favorably for us. That is not the case, if we want good in our lives, we must work for it, we must surround ourselves with people who reflect the type of person we want to be.... we must show empathy and compassion for others who are in low points in their journey.... we must do what we can to make life better for not only ourselves, but for others.

  I wonder sometimes how some of us come to forget this simple rule and way of life, why to others people are interchangeable and are rendered useless when they have either fulfilled their purpose or no longer serve as a means to achieving their desired goal.  I think because of my bipolar I see things in a really matter of fact way. I am one of those people who is just right to the point and honest, but this is not the case for so many. So when people deviate from that kind of thinking, for me, I have a difficult time comprehending their actions. 

  His Holiness the Dalai Lama said it best "Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible." We need to stop and remember we are not alone on this planet, we certainly are not the center of this universe so how we choose to treat the people we come in contact, whether those we know or not, we have control over how their experience is with us. I make a conscious effort to do the best I can for those around me. It may not always feel good, sometimes it requires being brutally honest in helping guide them back to a good path, but in the end your life should feel full and yes, happy. We all deserve it, even those who seem to want to infect our lives with misery... happiness is a true God given right, no matter who's God you recognize (or even if you recognize no God at all).

XOXO,

Brie

Today's "Word Of The Day": JUSTIFICATION

JUSTIFICATION

jus·ti·fi·ca·tion - [juhs-tuh-fi-key-shuhn] 

noun

1.a reason, fact, circumstance, or explanation that justifies or defends: His insulting you was ample justification for you to leave the party.

Happy Caturday kids!
  Something has been nagging me a lot lately and I thought I would just put it out there for everyone to ponder and maybe help me to understand because I have a hard time wrapping my mind around it. I wonder about the level of entitlement and justification I see people take a hold of in Second Life with the way they treat others. I saw it mostly when I had my store, people who felt because they were spending their lindens they had the right to ask for the most insane things. If you didn't accommodate they threatened, belittled or even slandered your good name.
  Like with the arcade event, people put so much of their money in something they know is not guaranteed to give you a "rare" item or such yet they feel entitled and justified to IM you and harass you demanding you give them what they want. No I am sorry, you have free will, no one put a gun to your head, you did not have to spend 5k on the super awesome tea set.... get over it. You are spending real money on not real goods you have to remember this is a virtual world and though many, including myself at one time, depend on your doing this, you do not by any means HAVE TO.
  I ask this because I struggle with my situation a lot these days, I miss working so much and I still have items that my cousin gave me as well as things I purchased from in-world mesh creators I would love to be able to complete and sell on the market again. I miss having my store, I know some people miss me having it there... I get the occasional IM or note card asking if I will ever create again. I want to say I don't care what people think but the truth is, I do. It is not a switch I can just flip and turn off caring, it is part of who I am.
  What makes people feel they are entitled to ruin someone's SL and pretty much their livelihood over something so trivial as making a mistake and using items from the internet that you purchased? I know for a fact others have made this mistake, so what made me so special I needed to be put on trial and made an example of? What makes people think they have the right to be judge and jury over the other people just trying to get by and be happy? We all as human beings judge others, I don't care what you say but when it gets to a point it is truly effecting and causing a negative effect on another persons life, you have to stand back and think is this the person I truly want to be?
  Personally, I want to make a positive and lasting good effect on the people I come in contact with in life. Be it on the computer or in the real world I want my life to matter more than "Oh shes that idiot who bought some stuff off turbo squid and sold it on Second Life." I want to be someone who makes others feel like they matter, I want to help make their life happier, more fulfilled.... I don't know I sound like a huge geek right now don't I?
  I don't know maybe you can help me out there in the interwebs figure out a direction to go in. Do I keep making furniture for kids and family because it is something I love, or should I just move on. Do something else or god forbid leave SL and just go be happy in the real world. Id really like your all's imput because well sometimes it helps to have strangers give like advice or whatever. As always, thank you so much for listening and taking time out to read my insights.

XOXO,
Brie

Today's "Word Of The Day": SERENITY

SERENITY

se·ren·i·ty - [suh-ren-i-tee] 

noun

1.the state or quality of being serene, calm, or tranquil; sereneness.

 

Well happy Friday kids!

  This week started off fast till Wednesday but then boy howdy did it crawl the rest of the week.  I think my week of vacation and Disneyland fun really threw me all out of whack. But the weekend is here so I am going to try to catch up on some sleep and just relax with some friends in the real world. My boyface has a friend who's wife is about to give birth like any time now.... god I remember those days. I certainly do not miss being up all night with a newborn but I am sad because my Sammi is growing up and since she is my last kiddo, I wish I could hold onto her littleness a bit longer. 

  Ive been trying to find inner peace and calmness lately, which has been interesting considering I am waging a all out war with my inner demons all the time. But I think in order to get to a place of just living in the moment, you have to find peace with the things in life you have no control over. Its been interesting and I am learning I am really an impatient person who desires a level of  instant gratification that comes when I need some sort of .... I guess closure or satisfaction right now. It is the spoiled brat in me, go figure there is one inside all that mess. 

  I have struggled this week because I accomplished building things for some friends and family and I am really proud of them but I am so paralyzed by the fear of people making an issue out of me actually making something I just put it in my inventory and go about my day. I wish I didn't care what other people thought about me so much, it really is just something I am increasingly frustrated by. Well maybe someday Ill find my mojo again I don't know, was nice to create something from a mix of meshes I made with a mesh oven (Kind of like a prim oven but for mesh) and some pieces from old projects. Been a hoot I tell ya, maybe someday Ill feel confident enough to show them off, for now I guess they are for me and the people I made them for. Either way I felt mighty productive and I haven't felt that in a long while. 

 

Anyway you have a great night all!

XOXO,

Brie 

Today's "Word Of The Day": FORGIVENESS

FORGIVENESS

for·give·ness - [fer-giv-nis] 

noun

1.act of forgiving; state of being forgiven. 

 

  Today's word is a doozy kids, cause it is something I struggle to do every day of my life.  There is just times where you feel you were done wrong, you hold onto that feeling and hold a grudge, it is really difficult to let go of. I am like the queen of grudges, something I have tried to get past all my life. But sometimes, I just fall back on my old mantra "once they hurt you they always hurt you", its a protection mechanism and it has got me by relatively well in life I am sad to say.

  The draw back to my holding these grudges is I have built huge walls to protect my emotional self. I mean don't get me wrong, I talk the talk really well, I am super friendly and I can even be downright nice to people who have in the past thrown me head-first under a bus. But inside I am seething with ill will. I hate feeling like that, its like a cancer that at times gets out of control. I fear I have missed out on some good friendships in my life because of my inability to really truly forgive a person.

  Don't get me wrong, my self preservation has at times gone on vacation, and I have forgiven people I probably shouldn't, Lately, the little person in my head who sometimes sounds like my ex and has a really big mouth has done the Will and Grace "I Told You So" dance more than once. And I feel stupid for letting them in my life. But hey, its part of growing, and growing is something you do your entire life. 

  I am trying really hard to shut down that inner monologue and just go with things more in life, trying to give people the benefit of the doubt and stuff. I mean hey, if I grow and change with my experiences, why can't they too right? I just sometimes feel like I am running this race, trying to protect my emotions and enjoy life more and I feel like I am sadly losing the battle to just get things together and be a whole person. 

  I wish people just could be more upfront and honest with one another and put the opportunist, sneaky, snarky stuff on the back burner for a while. I see so much of it on Plurk and in Second Life and it really just gets overwhelming sometimes. I really am having a harder time than ever knowing who I can trust in my life, it is really very scary sometimes. And frankly, this lady is just too damn hold to play a bunch of games just to realize someone isn't worth the time and effort, ya know?

  Anyway that's the ranting I have been dealing with today, I do forgive the people who have hurt me these past months and hope they find the peace in their lives they are lacking. I just know the grudges I have tried to fight will most likely be sitting at the front door if someone comes knocking offering apologies. I don't think I have it in me right now to truly just "let it all go". I'm trying though, have to give me that.

XOXO,

Brie