She Is My Soulmate

  Occasionally you meet someone out in this great universe who you feel, even after a short time, like they have always been there. I have been really blessed to make some really special friends on the internet... hell, I met the love of my life here. I can say I have met my soulmate here too. She is not romantically mine, she is my absolute best friend, that one person who you know no matter what will never waver and will always be by your side.

  I really feel blessed and honored to have had the privilege of meeting my Maddy we met nearly 3 years ago and I think we have not went 1 day without talking somewhere. We talk on SL, Facebook, Skype... the phone, its kind of crazy. Our significant people have begrudgingly accepted that they have to share us and I wouldn't have it any other way. Even last year when she had a accident and had a months worth of amnesia, she still remembered I was important to her and she would text me from her hospital bed just to tell me she still loved my face.

  I have never been so humbled or feel quite so lucky to have such an amazing friend. I am really excited because in a weeks time, I will be on a plane to her home in Kansas to spend 2 weeks making some amazing memories with my best friend. It is really special to be able to take someone out of the computer and give them their rightful place in the real world. Our children will play together, we will share many meals across a table from one another and in the end my heart will break because the miles between us will again be vast, but this little piece of time we will get together will truly be a cherished one. Something I know not everyone is fortunate enough to get and that makes this all the more special for me.
  So my virtual twin, my sister from another mister, my absolute bestieface, I am so thankful for you and thankful to have you in my life. I wanted to put this here, for all to see and with the knowledge that the internet is forever and so no matter where life leads us both you can always know you are loved by me and I am always going to be there for you and yours no matter what.


Everyone Has A Secret

  Everyone has a secret. I dont care who you are, how well you live your life, who you surround yourself with. Everyone has something they keep hidden from those closest to them because they either fear being rejected because of it or the unknown consequences are just too much to bear, but there is something at some point we have kept for just ourselves.

  None of us is innocent either, we have had moments where a friend becomes an enemy or when we have offended or hurt another person... intentional or not. Not a one of us is without fault, it is part of being human and something even though we may not like about ourselves it is something that is definitely a part of who we are.

  But it is when we try to be the moral superior and make those who have made mistakes or have hidden these parts of themselves feel less than a person that turns your jab at them into something truly mean. Places like SL Secrets and anonymous forms of posting really shine a light to the issues we all have on the internet. They are giving a platform not for people to expose something about themselves, but to try to make someone else feel bad. I am pretty certain when the persons at made their SL Secrets posts that they were modeling it after the unique in that it gives us somewhere to admit something about ourselves, anonymously. It is healthy to be able to get something out that you have carried around for however long. It is a proven fact that holding these things inside you can do damage and make you sick. Giving someone a way to let it out is a beneficial thing.

  But somewhere along the way people of SL decided it would be a great place to "out" others and "name and shame". Take this week and so many weeks before where a Nacho picture has been posted with many many jabs at that person. Like, we get it... he has hurt you. He has moved on and is OK why do you feel it is so necessary to harbor such hate toward someone who very apparently could care less about you. Just LET IT GO for the love of god and be happy. Also, one this week was actually posted about someone I happen to know which jabs that maybe she is not who she appears to be. Do you care if she is a male or female in her real life? Like, does it change anything? No. It really doesn't. She deserves to be happy in any way she can see fit. If its a man living as a woman in SL who the hell made you the morality police, the person who says she can or can not play SL as she wants. Thats like throwing a hissy cause you play a furry or a tiny, OR A CHILD. It is their SL, let them live it as they see fit.

  I never really understood the need for such things and like I say over and over again, if you dislike someone then don't deal with them. There is millions of other people to interact with why do you need to follow those around who you do not like and who do not like you just to make their life miserable. Both of those people I just mentioned I don't have any love for to be honest, I have not had the most amazing interactions with them but you do not see me spewing hate about them. We tried friendship, it didn't stick, I moved on and so have they (or least I hope so). I think they deserve to be as happy as the next guy and it is not my place to damage that. I believe in Karma both good and bad and putting a positive feeling out in the world works for me. I ask the people who feel they need to put this hate out there, how is it working for your life and your overall happiness?

  Sure you get a giggle for a minute but then you are left with the knowledge that it is the internet, it is there FOREVER and it can not ever be taken back. Your moment of childish hate is now there for all time. You truly can not take those words back and maybe right now you wont want to, but I am sure someday when you are on the other end of that line, you will wish someone had just let it go. I have made the one single secret and it was about myself and how the people who posted the ones about me made me feel like I shouldn't be around to be made the center of bullying. I have no desire to post them about those I don't like, I just treat them as if they do not exist to me. If I see them I either say nothing or am polite. We are all adults here, at least I am and I have more class than to stoop to these levels. I hope that people take this to heart and maybe next time they open photoshop to make some stupid clipart say something horrible, they will think that may be the final straw for someone. And think of how bad you would feel to know your idiotic "secret" ended someones life possibly.

  Just remember, you think we all care about how angry you are at someone. But we don't. We have more important things to worry about, grown up things. Like paying bills, raising kids, living life. Your stupid nacho pictures and pictures of Dixie plates really don't do a damn thing for our lives. So please, just let it all go and go do something that really makes you happy, cause this isn't it.


Today's "Word Of The Day" - EPIPHANY


e·piph·a·ny [ih-pif-uh-nee] 

noun, plural e·piph·a·nies.

1. A sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.
 The week is almost over, I hope you all are hanging in there!
I have been doing a lot of thinking about myself and who I am as a person lately. Like how the way I am and how I tend to behave in situations can affect the people around me. Most of it I am OK with, some stuff not so much but I am sure (Least I hope so) we all go through these moments from time to time. Lately has just been one of those moments for little old me.
I realized something, well it was pointed out to me the other day and I really took a long hard look at myself and found that it was really true. I am one of those people, friends of mine I have had a long time will agree, I am one of those people who is an awesome, easy going kind of friend and it takes a lot to really make me angry with someone. Sure, I get annoyed like anyone else but I get over it pretty fast. I have always tried to live by the rule that the best way to have good friends is to be one. I would like to think that I am a reflection of the good people I choose to surround myself with. Sometimes someone not so great sneaks in but no one can pretend to be what they aren't forever, so eventually we part ways and go on with life. 
It is in those times, where I feel betrayed and hurt a really ugly side of me comes out. In the moment where I am hurting most, I lash out at those around me... mainly those who hurt me but sometimes I have a wide scope with my anger and I hurt people I don't mean to. If I feel done wrong by a person they no longer have any place in my world, I care nothing about them, their life, their problems. I just care that they hurt me and how bad that feels. I really don't know exactly why I go to such extremes with people but I can get downright vindictive and Ive been told it can be quite frightening the lengths I go to feel vindicated even if I do damage that can never be repaired.
I realized that this is a true and unadulterated form of defense for me. I have been abused by many many people who were important to me in my life, my parents, my ex-husband... some friends. My ex-husband would beat the tar out of me, sleep with a prostitute or random Internet girl and I was not allowed to show any emotion to his actions. I was to behave as though he was the perfect spouse, something is absolutely was not. Over 9 years I became a shell of a person, it took him holding a rifle at me to get me to value myself and my life, and to inevitably break free from his abuse. I promised myself I would never stand idle while someone mistreated me... I guess I have taken it to the other end of the submissive spectrum with it, I feel really bad for those I inadvertently hurt over the past 12 years.  
I really am going to make a conscious effort to be more, grey area with this. It is ok to feel hurt and to express it but at the end of the day, forgiving them and moving on has to be more than holding such a grudge for the rest of my life. It only pushes those away who I love because they fear the day they may do something that wounds me deep. I think in doing so I will live a more happier, peaceful life. I know that I do forgive people as of late who have betrayed or hurt me, I think my fear that it will happen again keeps me from never truly letting go though and this is something I really have to work on inside myself.
Thanks for listening as usual... you all rock.
Have a great holiday weekend,

Today's "Word Of The Day": ACCOUNTABLE


ac·count·a·ble [uh-koun-tuh-buhl] 


1. subject to the obligation to report, explain, or justify something; responsible; answerable.
2. capable of being explained; explicable; explainable.
 So gosh its been a while, I am super sorry a lot of real life things going on around here. We were all super sick with some weird intestinal virus, ended up putting my other half in the er a few times. Be careful out there kids, this one is a doozy. I am also getting my child ready to end her school year which is bittersweet. She will now be a middle schooler, almost a teenager, they grow so so fast. And finally, I am getting ready for a 2 week vacation with my daughter in beautiful Kansas with my best friend which I can not be more excited about. She is one of the true positives Second Life has brought me, in the nearly 3 years we have been friends we have been inseparable and it is like she has always been a fixture in my life. Getting this unique opportunity to spend a few weeks with her in the real world is something I am truly grateful for.... we leave june 4th and then 2 weeks on a Army Base with all that eye candy and my bestie, how can it be anything but amazing?
So the word on my mind is accountable or accountability as of late.  Something I see a lot with the behavior of people on the internet is the lack of accountability for their actions. Because no one is held to that standard, or most people or even some people for that matter (if you want to do semantics with me) is that it gives people license to be abusive to the people around them. Because they realize in most cases there is no real consequence for their actions it is ok to just do whatever they feel like. Problem is in their wake they leave so many people hurt or worse it really is so senseless. I mean it is the internet if you dont like someone just mute them or be a grown up and just dont deal with them. It isnt rocket science people, it is just plain old common sense.

 The worst part is not only do they know they can just run amuck and do as they feel to the people in their wake but to some people the rest of us inadvertently encourage such behavior and even feed into it. Platforms like SL Secrets and the anonymity of the anon plurks make it easy to target one person or many, with no fear of any repercussions for their actions. We not only make it a point to read them weekly but we then have to talk about them and give those people their 15 min of fame for what? Being a coward? Being hateful? I don't get it. It is all funny until lo and behold you piss off some random person and there you are, this week's nacho secret... is it really worth it?

Now I really have no idea how to hold people accountable on the internet. But I do know feeding the beast is not going to help matters so I for one can not keep doing so. I want my bubble happy for the most part, I mean nothing is perfect right? But I would like to know that myself and the people around me are not causing some of the discord in life. As usual I am probably making no sense but Im gonna stick with this for now. Just remember in the game of russian roulette eventually someone gets the bullet.... drama is no different. You play with it long enough chances are eventually you will be the focus of it. 

Have a amazing Sunday.