Hi There,
You may know me, you
may not. You may know of me from people or rumors or some passing fancy but I
thought I would take this opportunity to introduce myself. I am Brie, I am more
than pixels in this computer, I am a person. I have feelings and dreams; I have
a life outside of this computer and a family. I am a mother, a future wife, a
friend and these are things I was so very willing to give up because of things
that happened in this computer earlier this year.
2012 has not been so
kind to me in my real life; it started with the death of my Fiancé’s father. A
man we took care of till the day he died. We found him in his bed; there was
nothing we could do for him. It was an extremely traumatic experience and one I
don’t think we still after many, many months have been able to process. We had
barely began to really deal with that grief when not even 2 months later, my Grandmother
passed on back in California. It was sudden, unexpected and very difficult for
my daughter and I. My Grandmother was a very large part of my life, she raised
me as a child and for all intent and purpose, was more my Mother than my own
biological Mother. When she died, all the family I had outside my Sammi died
with her and I was left virtually alone.
You are probably
wondering why I am telling you all of this. It is because after these very hard
real life things happened, things in Second Life became very bad for me. I had
to give up my store, which I had put my heart and soul into for well over a
year and I had become the target of some very hateful and really unnecessary
actions by others. People I had loved and trusted suddenly were just so very
much not what I had known all the time I had been friends with them. I was left
utterly alone in my computer.
I never understood
how someone you can’t see could have such an adverse effect on you till these
few months this year. I always heard of people being bullied online and we all
have seen the bandwagon drama Plurk can bring out but I never understood how
absolutely crushing it could be to have people who don’t even know you, hate
you so much. I learned the hard way, it wasn’t pretty but I did learn.
Those people have
moved on to other things and I am certain their effect on me they will never
really know. In those few months I really was at the lowest I have felt since I
buried my son. I really didn’t see much value in myself as a person; I thought
I had no place on this earth. It took my beloved to remind me that I AM worth
something to someone. And that at the end of the day all the hurt that is in
this computer cannot compare one moment with the love I have outside of it.
I am 37 years old
and I allowed myself to succumb to the view someone projected on me because I
forgot that I can just turn the computer off and walk away and all the good in
my life is STILL THERE. I am still a great mom, a fairly awesome life partner
and been told I am a wonderful friend. I would still give you my last $20 if
you were hungry. So, in the end…. Those people didn’t win. I am still me. I am
still happy. I am still loved.
I didn’t come to
this conclusion overnight, it took months of stepping back from the computer
and really focusing on me and my family and doing what I needed to do for us to
be ok. I have come back because for
every 1 hateful thing someone has said to me, 10 others have been amazing and
wonderful. I have made some great friendships in this computer and I refuse to
allow anyone to rob me of those friendships. I will not allow this computer or
anyone in it get in the way of me being happy.
So I end this little
letter by thanking each and every one of you who has touched my life in this
computer. Because good or bad, I came out of it a better person than I was
before all of this year happened. And for those who feel despair at the hands
of the invisible people on the other end of the internet, remember you are
wonderful and you bless so many people by being here. Don’t let anyone rob you
of your born right to be happy, and to surround yourself with love. I am sure many
of you are probably rolling your eyes or thinking I’m full of it. But for this
one person who reads this and feels better, I think it was worth being really
honest with everyone.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Brie
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