Starting New

Happy 2013 beautiful people!
  As I walk around my house ripping down old calendars and finally taking my pathetic tree to the trash I reflect on what the new year means to me. It is not only the changing of a day, the adding on of a new year but it is a time to make a fresh start. 2012 was one of the most difficult years I have had in a long time, I lost some really important people in my life, some people I called friends... and many many tears. But for all of that I also gained some really amazing things, where I had lost loved ones, I have gained new family members, made new friendships. So I guess I am hopeful for the promise of a new year, optimistic of the good things that have grown from the bad times.
  I don't really have a hard set resolution, I find them kind of silly and when you set a title to something, you are more likely to either give it up or sabotage it for failure. I really just want to learn to live in the moment, I used to, but things happened and I became jaded and a recluse. I let the choices and actions of others shape my real life and my second life. I hope that I can shed that from my character and really enjoy what I do have. I always tell people we only have one turn on this planet, make the most of it. I think it is about time I follow my own advice here, I will do my best to make the most of my life and be the best I can for those who have given me the honor of being a part of theirs.
  One thing I do promise I will maintain in my life is my need to put my happiness and that of my family first, before all others nonsense and drama. I have to remove negativity from my life, it has no place in it and corrupts my happiness. This has always been a black and white thing with me, but it is something I will continue to stand fast to. If you bring saddness to my life, you will have to go because there is just so many things in life that we have no control over. What you allow people to do to you is not something out of your hands.
  To my family, thank you for filling all the holes my grandmother's death left in me. Thank you for propping me against the wall and reminding me that people love me and are worth loving in return. Thank you for the absolute precious friendships you have bestowed on me because they are what helps me get up out of bed every morning. You are something I didn't know I needed but now that I have you all in my life, I can not imagine you not here with me in it.
  To my beloved Walter, I miss you in my virtual aspects of life. You always inspired me and made me feel I could accomplish anything. Though you are still in my life, hell you are in the shower right now... it is something I really didnt think I would miss so much, and yet I do, In this computer you were my husband, my partner. You are my best friend, I never thought I could love another person outside of my children as much as I love you. You really are my soulmate  as absolutely corny as that sounds without you I would never be whole and life would never be half as interesting.
  And finally and absolutely most importantly my Sammi Starfish... You were the best thing I ever won in Vegas and hands down my greatest creation. You remind me everyday how wonderful loving someone is and how unconditional it can be. You dry my tears, share my giggles and you are the most amazing 10 year old I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. I am amazed every day a broken, crazy old lady like me not only made you but has raised you to be a caring, loving and downright brilliant person. I love you to the moon and back.

I hope your year brings the best of things.


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