Today's "Word Of The Day" : REGRET

re·gret [ri-gret]

verb (used with object) feel sorrow or remorse for (an act, fault, disappointment, etc.): He no sooner spoke than he regretted it. think of with a sense of loss: to regret one's vanished youth.
3.a sense of loss, disappointment, dissatisfaction, etc.
4.a feeling of sorrow or remorse for a fault, act, loss, disappointment, etc.
5.regrets, a polite, usually formal refusal of an invitation: I sent her my regrets.
6.a note expressing regret at one's inability to accept an invitation: I have had four acceptances and one regret.
The week is almost over kids, hang in there!
  Today's word is regret, and it was inspired by a plurk I happened to see today, asking if we had something we regret in life. I have a few things that if given in life, id love a chance to do different but on the whole I contribute my life's experiences both good and bad to who I am today. I think worrying about "fixing" our past really only keeps us from moving forward in life and we are the only one who misses out on what life has to offer if we are too busy looking behind ourselves.
  But if I had one real regret in life I would say it was my choice to drop out of high school 1 month before graduation. I know you are thinking "good god shes stupid" but at that point in my life, I really didnt care anymore about anything. I was recovering from a 2 year bender with methamphetamines and so I was still trying to decide if I even wanted to BE alive to begin with.
  I had enlisted in the Interior Design elective because well, I needed to fill the space it seemed harmless enough and I had already done a few years of drafting so this was just another kind of run with that. Turned out I had a bit of a knack for it and I really enjoyed it. Enough that my teacher had sent off a project I had done to the Fashion Institute of America and I was offered a scholarship to attend that fall. In the end my self-destructive nature sabotaged me and I dropped out, I went back later for my diploma but that scholarship was long gone in the wind by then. 
  Now I can sit and wallow in it but Im going to take the moral high ground on this one because as much as I wish to god I had stayed and went to that amazing school and Id probably be designing a nursery for god knows who right now, I didnt make that choice. And if I had, well I wouldnt be a mother to some amazing people. Yeah sure I made a colossal error in husband number 1 (hell number 2 for that matter) but in the end, it brought me here, and though it is not where I want to be exactly, It is a lot better than that girl who's parents finally had enough and kicked out on the street at 18. I lived in some homeless shelters, slept on a lot of couches, and met husband number one... had 9 years and 3 kids and I learned A LOT about who Brie really is and who she wants to be. 
  I learned not to be a doormat for other people, that to have good friends around you that you must first be a good friend to those around you. That when bad friends cultivate the garden that is your life, you must prune close and you must keep those you love safe in your heart. I learned that people eventually leave, always. Whether it is for life's reasons or their life ends, all things must eventually stop to make room for new, fascinating and amazing experiences to come.  And finally I learned regretting your choices is part of growing up, but in the end only we can live with the choices we make, you can cry all you want but in the end, it is your bed, you made it and you have to accept the consequences. Until you can accept your choices good or bad you will be failed to succumb to your regrets and you are usually doomed to make the same mistakes over and over again. 
  In the end, you can either learn from the hand you are dealt, try to make the best decisions for you and your own happiness or you can be a victim. I stopped being a victim the day I looked down the barrel of my ex-husbands rifle, I decided my happiness has to be paramount because it is all I truly have control over. My choices have not always been the best, they may have caused me great loss and even greater heartache but for the most part I know I have only the one real regret, back when I was a teenager and stupid and though the choices I have made in life were not always best, I own my mistakes and am honest not only with those around me but with myself.
  I am far from perfection, I am a damaged, sad, crazy person who struggles every day with the inner voice screaming at her that everyone is going to hurt her and she will be alone in the end. But the difference is I am trying to scream back these days, I dont always win but I am trying. Dont hang tight to your regrets my sweet sweet friend, go live life, hug your kids, call your mom, go have lunch with an old friend. 
In the end, just live.


Post a Comment